Ready-to-use conversation scripts for the conversations that matter
Copy, customize, and use these scripts to start difficult conversations with confidence
Use when initiating discussion about safer sex practices
"I care about both of us staying healthy and feeling good. I want to talk about using condoms because protection is how I show respect for myself and you. Can we discuss what that looks like for us?"
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Use before sexual contact to discuss testing history
"I've been tested and I'm comfortable sharing my status with you. What's your comfort level with sharing about testing? There's no judgment here—it's just something that matters to me."
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Use immediately if barrier method fails
"Hey, I want to let you know a condom broke. I'm not freaking out, but I want to talk about next steps. We can look into testing, and if needed, there are other options like PEP. Let's stay calm and figure this out together."
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Use during intimate moments
"How does this feel for you? Is there anything you want to change, slow down, or try differently? I want us both to feel amazing."
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Use to establish non-negotiable boundaries
"I really value you and what we have together. There's something I want to be clear about: I'm not comfortable with [specific thing]. This is important to me, and I hope you can respect it."
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Use when proposing new activities
"I've been thinking about something I'd like to try. Would you be interested in exploring [activity]? I think we'd both enjoy it, but only if you're genuinely interested. What do you think?"
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Use early in a new relationship
"I want to have an honest conversation about what kind of relationship we both want. Are we exclusive to each other, or are we open to exploring? This is something I want to agree on together."
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Use to discuss pregnancy planning/contingencies
"I want to talk about what would happen if a barrier method failed or birth control didn't work. What would you want to do? I think it's better to know this before anything happens."
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Use to share relevant sexual or relational history
"I want to be fully honest with you because I care about our connection. I want to tell you about [past experience] because it might affect how I communicate or what I'm comfortable with."
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Use to normalize ongoing testing
"I want us both to stay healthy and confident. I test regularly—about every [3-6 months]. I'd love to get tested together, or at least know that we're both staying on top of it. It makes me feel closer to you, knowing we're being responsible."
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Use after unprotected encounter or barrier failure
"Something happened that might have put me at risk. I'm getting tested right away, and I wanted to let you know so we can both get checked if needed. This doesn't change how I feel about you—I just want to make sure we're both safe."
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Use to disclose a positive diagnosis
"I got some news about my testing. I have [STI/HIV status]. I want to be upfront with you: this doesn't define me, and I'm managing it. Let's talk about what this means for us, for protection, and for what comes next."
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Use when disclosing sexual orientation or gender identity
"I want to share something important about who I am. I'm [gender identity/sexuality]. This has always been true about me, and I'm sharing it with you because I trust you and I want to be fully myself with you."
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Use to establish boundaries related to trauma
"There's something in my past that affects me sometimes during sex. I don't need to go into all the details, but I want you to know that [trigger/boundary]. If this comes up, I might need to pause, and I'd appreciate your patience and support."
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Use when disclosing PrEP use or HIV status
"I want to be honest with you: I'm on PrEP/I have HIV. The science is clear—it's [undetectable/prevention]. I'm undetectable/protected, and I'm happy to answer any questions. Here are some resources if you want to learn more."
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Use the exact words or adapt them to fit your style and situation
Say the words out loud to yourself before the real conversation
Adjust the language to match how you actually talk and feel
Remember: These scripts are starting points, not requirements. The most important thing is that you show up authentically, with care and honesty. The right person will appreciate you taking the time to have these conversations.